A Mom After God's Heart

My toddler son is a ball of fire. He has more energy than the entire state of Texas combined, and he goes full throttle all day, every day. I love all that God has made him to be, but he is not perfect.

Recently, we went to church. I dropped him off at his classroom as usual, went to my big kid service, did my Jesus thing, and picked him up when it was time to go. That’s when the teacher had to privately speak with me and let me know that my son was playing too rough and not listening. She acknowledged and understood that it’s a boy thing and an age thing, and just encouraged us to keep talking him through it.

My heart broke. My pride broke. And as we drove home, I wondered if my prayers mattered at all. I wondered if the fact that we pray together every night mattered. All the confessions and positive declarations of who God has made my sweet son to be…did it matter?

With tears streaming down my face, I felt like a failure. I felt like I’d failed my son; I felt like I had failed God.

For the last week or so, we’ve instituted a new “section” to our evening prayers. This is where my son repeats after me that we choose to let go of all hate, anger, bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. We tell God we don’t want it anymore and ask Him to take it away. We then ask God to fill us with His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, forgiveness, and self-control. We ask God to love us so we can love others as He loves us. We ask God to forgive us so we can forgive others as He forgives us.

And in the midst of my drive home from church, it felt like this simple concept of binding and loosing was utterly lost on my son…and me. I cried because I questioned the faith of my prayers; were my words just simply words, or did they somehow matter? And I began to wonder where God was in the situation…not that I believed He’d skipped out for a latte, but because I knew I was doing the right thing, yet the results were astoundingly opposite of what I’d been hoping for.

For over a year, God has been using David’s life to teach me what sometimes feel like the most random things. Yet, as God usually does, it usually comes into play somewhere.

David comes on the scene in 1 Samuel. We learn that he’s a shepherd; his father doesn’t consider him important; his oldest brother thinks he’s useless. But most importantly, God tells Samuel that He has found a man after His own heart. And so David’s reputation is established.

1 Samaul 13:14 (NIV)

“But now your kingdom will not endure; the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him ruler of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.”

Acts 13:22 (NIV)

“After removing Saul, he made David their king. God testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’”

Of all the mortal kings of Israel, no one is talked about more than David. No one is as esteemed as David. No one compares to David.

And when we think about the different kings of Israel, you might think of Saul, the first king. You might think of Solomon, the wisest king. But when you think of David, you think of a great king.

He truly, truly, loved God. And yes, he messed up. Yes, he broke the Ten Commandments. Yes, he made some terrible choices. However, he always, always turned back to God. His heart was ultimately for God. And he accepted the consequences. He worked out his punishments. He suffered for those bad choices. And yet, he was and still is remembered as a man after God’s heart.

And God, in return, loved David. So much so, that even after David slept with a married woman and had her husband killed, God still allowed His son to be born through his lineage.

God loved David so much that His covenant was never broken despite David’s descendants making poor choices.

I find it bizarrely wonderful that it wasn’t the wisest king, the smartest king, or the richest king who is immortalized as the king who had the attention of God.

1 Samuel 10:9 (NIV)

“As Saul turned to leave Samuel, God changed Saul’s heart, and all these signs were fulfilled that day.”

When God chose Saul to be the first king of Israel, He changed Saul’s heart. Saul was not prepared to be a king, but God changed him from the inside so he could be king.

1 Kings 3:9 (NIV)

So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong.

Even Solomon wasn’t naturally brilliant. God gave him the wisdom that made him famous after he prayed for it.

But David…God never had to change David’s heart; He didn’t have to upgrade David’s hard drive. David was born a shepherd, and everything in his life prepared him for his destiny.

And so, throughout time, we see David kill giants, defeat armies, win hearts, and dance like a wild man… all for God.

David was the OG of warriors; he set the standard.

The Psalms are beautiful and poetic, and David says some wonderful things throughout 2 Samuel. But one of my favorite clapbacks in the Bible, told with passion, humor, and absolute sass, is in 2 Samuel 6, when David’s wife, Michael, mocked him for dancing so extravagantly and going around half-naked in full view of the servant girls.

2 Samual 6:21-22 (NLT)

“David retorted to Michal, “I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!”

This man’s passion and love for God far exceeded the sting of foolish chastisements from a person who did not understand God; from a person who did not know God.

And David’s passion and devotion are acknowledged in this beautiful promise/covenant from God in 2 Samuel 7.

2 Samuel 7:8-16 (NLT)

“Now go and say to my servant David, ‘This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies has declared: I took you from tending sheep in the pasture and selected you to be the leader of my people Israel. I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have destroyed all your enemies before your eyes. Now I will make your name as famous as anyone who has ever lived on the earth! And I will provide a homeland for my people Israel, planting them in a secure place where they will never be disturbed. Evil nations won’t oppress them as they’ve done in the past, starting from the time I appointed judges to rule my people Israel. And I will give you rest from all your enemies. Furthermore, the Lord declares that he will make a house for you—a dynasty of kings! For when you die and are buried with your ancestors, I will raise up one of your descendants, your own offspring, and I will make his kingdom strong. He is the one who will build a house—a temple—for my name. And I will secure his royal throne forever. I will be his father, and he will be my son. If he sins, I will correct and discipline him with the rod, like any father would do. But my favor will not be taken from him as I took it from Saul, whom I removed from your sight. Your house and your kingdom will continue before me for all time, and your throne will be secure forever.’“

This is how much God loved David. The mind-blowing part is that He made this covenant with David, knowing that Bathsheba would appear four chapters later.

God knew everything David would do, and he still gave Israel a second chance through David.

All God wanted from David was to be first.

And despite his faults, despite the deep well of crap he got himself into, David’s heart would ultimately turn back to God; he kept putting God first…over and over and over again.

This is the greatest bromance in the Bible, at least in my opinion. Because nowhere else does God call anyone, be it man or woman, a person after His heart.

It wasn’t John the Baptist. It wasn’t Peter. It wasn’t Paul. It wasn’t Esther. It wasn’t Deborah. It wasn’t Matthew. It wasn’t Moses. It wasn’t Joshuah.

These great men and women, who all left their mark on history, were never referred to as David was.

God loved David.

While perusing the scriptures, I came across 1 Kings 11. At this point in time, Solomon has screwed the pooch with God. And God says to Solomon:

1 Kings 11:12-13 (NIV)

“Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen.”

The wisest mortal man to walk the earth put idols before God. Solomon had one job: to keep God first. And he couldn’t do that.

And our jealous God becomes very angry – rightly so. He’s so angry, so broken-hearted that He promises to tear the kingdom away from Solomon. However, because of His promise to David and His great love for David, God extends two great mercies. One was to spare Solomon the personal anguish and embarrassment of losing everything he’d been known for, and the second was not to completely remove the whole kingdom, but to leave behind one tribe (which would be Judah).

God’s love for David was so great, so overflowing in grace, that David’s son experienced leniency in his punishment.

And I’m left here in awe at how incredibly powerful it is to have won God’s heart just because you truly love Him and seek Him.

Now, back to my son.

That fateful Sunday morning had me questioning everything, but that evening as we prepared to say evening prayers with my son, the same prayer (and it’s lengthy) we always pray, my mind was already thinking, does this even matter – what’s the point.

I get two words out, and my son stops me and says, “Mommy, I want to pray tonight. I want to do this.”

And I just stare at him, a total deer in the headlights moment. And he’s just all smiles and giggles and starts to thank Jesus for all the wonderful things he got to do that weekend. And after that, he looks at me and goes, “Okay, mommy, say it with me,” and he goes into the list of things we let go of…all hate…all bitterness…all unforgiveness…and he’s leading this. He’s listing these things. He’s making sure I’m following him. And even when he forgot one, I’d whisper it to him, and he’d just pick it up and keep leading the prayer.

At this point, I’m bawling my eyes out. Because it was this powerful moment of God showing me that yes, it matters. Yes, it makes a difference. Keep going. You’re doing the right thing. Don’t stop.

And after we’d finished praying, my son asked me why I was crying and said everything was okay. He even went and got me a tissue.

Completely unprompted, this sweet boy wiped away my tears, took my face in his little hands, and told me everything was going to be okay.

If I could imagine what it feels like to have Jesus physically wipe away your tears, this moment would be it.

I’ve never felt a more real encounter with God in my entire life.

And as I think about my son and David, God really hit it home that what you do as a parent does matter.

What you do as a parent absolutely affects your child’s life. It goes so much deeper than just everyday life decisions. Spiritually, what I do as a mom, how I seek God, how I pray, how I dance, how I war, how I live, has the power to extend grace to my son even when he seriously screws up.

So don’t stop. Don’t give up. Don’t think that your prayers are in vain. Don’t think that it doesn’t matter. Don’t think God isn’t listening.

David didn’t win God’s heart because he was super wise. He won God’s heart because he sought after, he searched, he pursued God’s heart; and in return for his passion, God kept all His promises.

You don’t need to be the wisest mom (or dad); you just need to be a mom after God's heart.

He will take care of the rest.

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